The big decision that I have been debating over has been made, which is a nice relief off of my shoulders. I have decided to take a breath on my educational road and sightsee.
I really love learning and the classes have been entirely thrilling for the most part, but a college education costs money and it is really not very practical anymore to have both me and my significant other in school at the same time. Costwise *ouch* !!! He is focused in on his goal and I am still feeling through and squinting towards the future, very unsure of what exactly I want.
I’ve taken a break before, right after eighth grade I took off two years before starting high school. Those years were beneficial in helping me to create my own identity and regain focus. I am hoping this hiatus does the same. Perhaps I will discover something amazing about myself or what I am capable of, which is what happened during those first couple of years out of junior high. When that break was over, I was ready, I was motivated, and I was determined to enjoy all the ups and downs of high school and appreciate everything.
I cannot wait to get started.
Right now I am transitioning out of the obligation mode. It is as if I have trained myself to repress what I want to do and I feel like I am standing at attention, waiting for someone to give me a task. I understand how this has come to be though. In school, I have to revolve around my professors and my assignments. At work, I revolve around my boss and his expectations and the customers. This is what I needed for school and work in order to take care of things, but now I have a bit more leeway to decide what I want to do.
I have been exceedingly happy to have been able to go to open mic night at our local coffee shop. I have always wanted to go but always had work or schoolwork. But I have a two week break before I have to return to work and I am not taking any classes, so I went twice. It was so rejuvenating! I absolutely loved it; there are some amazingly talented people. I was toying with the idea of reading some of my poetry and have not yet.
But I have made a commitment to read next week and there is no backing out or making excuses because I have let some of my friends and family know. It will be great. I have not written anything new since I took my poetry class this last spring semester, but I have a few that I can choose from to read. My first time reading was fun. We performed as a class and all got to read about three or four of our poems. My plan is practice reading this week and narrow the poems down to about four.
I am also planning on getting back into reading again, reading for pleasure and fun that is. No more trying to rush through novels and poems to make a deadline. I am going to explore and fully indulge and take as much time as I want with whatever I am reading before moving on to the next one. I have a little bookshelf full of books right now, some that I have not read in years, others that I have bought and never opened. Load me up, expose me to new authors, I am ready to explore.
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